Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
