I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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