I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
