dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
