i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
