coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
