We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
