But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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