So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
