Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
