I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
