Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
