When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
