I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
