He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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