Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
