I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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