I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
