I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
