When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
