it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
