You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
