I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
