oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
