I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
wow bdsm is so cute
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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