I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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