It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
