He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
