Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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