This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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