I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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