i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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