So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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