What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
