I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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