Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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