just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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