Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
