you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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