I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
