His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
