and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
