1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
