You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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