I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
