omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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