forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he was CRYING into my vagina
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
