yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
