I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
be right there i have to get my cape
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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