Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
